I hope that did not sound too demanding. Well the title says it all please look at Pink Clouds and Golden Skies and criticize it.
-Dreamer
P.S.Yes, you to Raistlin. As long as you do not just say, "It is horrible I hate it it is absolutely awful." Like you all ways do.
-Dreamer
P.S.Yes, you to Raistlin. As long as you do not just say, "It is horrible I hate it it is absolutely awful." Like you all ways do.
He won't. Not this time. When it comes to constructive criticism, believe it or not, Raistlin's pretty good. Okay, I admit it...sometimes a little bit TOO good.
ReplyDelete-President Fantasy
P.S. I will get to your story and criticize it, Dreamer, I really will...sometime soon. :)
As I do not believe I have quite finished your story, I cannot give detailed criticism. But I will start with this, after the stuff I've seen:
ReplyDelete1. A little more description on the part of the characters and setting would be helpful. Like, I don't know what Lacy or Loxen look like. Or anyone else, for that matter. I know that Zizzle is black, but only because you have told me, Dreamer, and not because of the story itself. Also, I do not have a clear picture of nearly any location in your story. That might help a lot for your readers to actually SEE the story.
2. Punctuation. I know, I know, but seriously. I know you are working on that, so I won't say anything more.
3. Back stories on characters. How Lacy met Loxen, back story on Gordon, how Zizzle found the castle. It would make the entire story better, as we would get to know characters better. That includes elaborating on minor characters, such as Orangetails or Arcanum or Audax. Even little characters deserve some form of back story. After all, "Orangetails -- who had been working for Zizzle as long as he could remember, and had loved pretty much every second of it" is more interesting than just plain "Orangetails".
That would be the most major stuff for the moment. We'll talk about big plot stuff later, after I finish the story, okay? Good work, Dreamer!
-President Fantasy
Okay, I don't know where to put the back stories. I don't know whether I should go: Lacy and Loxen were friends. Lacy had adopted Loxen two years ago in a stormy night she saw him and wanted to buy him. So she did. Because that does not sound good.
ReplyDeleteI also did describe that Zizzle was black in the story if you read it all the way through, but I will try to put more spectical.
I will also try to put the locations on the story.
I WILL PUNCUATE...eventually the whole story.
-Dreamer
Thank you for giving me criticism.
Well, when it comes to putting in back stories, that's a skill that is difficult to learn. You need to learn how to figure out when to merge into a back story. For example, here is a section from Sunset, Oregon:
ReplyDeleteTal scowled and shoved his hands deeper into his pocket.
I think that I must be a bad person, then.
The thought didn’t scare him, exactly, but it didn’t satisfy, either. There was only a dull ache in the back of his head and the knowledge that he should feel something from the knowledge that he was a bad person. Whether guilt or defiance, he didn’t know and didn’t care, but Tal just knew that he ought to feel something, and he did not.
"Emotionless. Indifferent. According to the government, I do not exist, and as soon as Jade gives the doctors my description, I will be wanted by the cops, just the same. And yet the crime they want me for is not the worst crime I have ever committed. I am the perfect criminal."
As you can see, I smoothly transitioned into a back story revealing important information about Tal, without launching into it all of a sudden. Obviously, a back story does not have to be in a story format. It could be like that, with a thought from one of the characters. Back story simply means revealing some of a character's background in a smooth transition.
Also, a side note: If you write: "Lacy and Loxen were friends. Lacy had adopted Loxen two years ago in a stormy night she saw him and wanted to buy him. So she did.", that is a boring bit of story. If you are going to write a back story like that, even without a smooth transition, you need to use verbs and adjectives and really make the reader SEE the back story. If you write it all bland, of course the back story isn't going to satisfy anybody.
Hope that helps.
-President Fantasy
It did.
ReplyDelete-Dreamer